The Last Post

I executed the list in order as described previously.
This is my last action as Karrot.
I've squared my accounts.
Miranda and Ax are in prison. Probably for a long time. Not together. I never talked to the bitch again.
I'm going to an Ivy League school in the fall. Not sure which one yet, I got into a few. I guess no one ever found this blog or connected it to my real identity nor did they ever figure out I sold a bunch of drugs and made a bunch of money.
Talk about making money, by the way, I forgot to include this on the list: before abandoning the fuck ship I stole all the cash I could--so now I can pay for my own college. Word!


Miranda, if you ever find this, I just want to say thank you. The sex was awesome, there is no denying that. Although, I'm glad i wrapped it--whore. And thanks to Ax and you I can now afford college. Maybe I've got some sort of legit future now.

Peace out Karrot Krunch

I'm going to miss you and your antics,

shit its hard to let go


good bye my darling, but past alter ego.

What the fuck

Okay, so we're on Ax's boat right now. I told everyone that I was going to go into the cabin to take a nap, which I did, until I was jolted awake by a terrible dream. I had dreamt that I went psycho and killed everyone on the boat... TOO WEIRD.

What was weirder was what I overheard next. I heard Ax and Miranda flirting, flirting, and then when that stopped I heard a familiar moaning sound. SHE IS BANGING HIM! This is too much I need to get off this ship. What the fuck is wrong with her; nymphomaniac, burned out, ice cream scooped E-faced-two-faced-slut! That dream was sure a premonition but I'm not that guy in the dream. I can do better than that.

So heres what I'm doing:
1. Calling the DEA to tell them about the 300 pounds of pot being smuggled into America on the fuck ship.
2. Getting off the fuck ship.
3. Swimming to the nearest shore; which is only a quarter mile away (thankfully).
4. Going home, dropping this Karrot name shit so no one finds me.
5. Finishing high school and going to college
6. Posting my last bad ass blog post.

Sexy Sea Food

The last 24 hours have been insanely fun! Miranda is so crazy, I thought that as a teenage boy I was supposed to be the wild one--not so. While we were waiting for food we snuck off into the bathroom-- like an hour later we come out and the waiter, who was mad astute and had held our food (he easily earned the 35% tip) tried to avoid making awkward innuendoes but really couldn't, brought out the salmon and mussels we ordered. It was really good, both the sea food and the sex. We had sex like five more times. Awesome. We also went out to a club, took some molly, blew a few lines, and met some of Miranda's friends. Who she says really liked me. I'm legit, why not!

Tomorrow we are going to head to Oregon. Hopefully we're going to make a buck or two along the way. The plan is to smuggle some grass in her friends boat--which I'm not going to go into anymore details about.

Her friend Ax is in charge of the smuggling, she assures me he knows what the fuck he's doing, and I bet he does, just judging by the bling he rocks and the fuck me if you dare attitude he's got on.

Gotta run, she thinks computers are for dorks.

Where she at?

Miranda was supposed to meet me at this sea food bar (classy right!) an hour ago, but she still isn't here. I don't know what to do. Well, I guess I'm going to order another beer.

Oh! I realized that I might have confused you earlier with regard to Miranda. I know I said that i was going to meet her in Oregon, but it turns out she couldn't wait that long, and also wanted to show me around Vancouver, so I'm going to see her tonight-- I hope.

Snap! I see her, sorry for the false alarm, sorry for the non informative, non substantive post, but I've been so nervous lately. I want to post a lot, to tell you whats going down but it seems like whenever I do something else suddenly comes up.-- Ok she sees me and Is coming over here. Out!

The Realest booty i ever do see

I had no idea this could happen in Canada, or should I say the promASSed land. I just had to rush to the nearest internet cafe after I got off the bus in Vancouver and saw what has to be one of the nicest largest bums I ever seen. At this point i should probably apologize to my Mother, Grandmother, Miranda, and well, any girl I know who might ever read this, but I'm sure you can understand if you just think about the aspect of the opposite sex you are most attracted to taken to its max.

Wish I could have found my tongue, moved my jaw out of O shape and dropped a line; something classy--no "i like every bone in your body, especially mine" kinda bull shit. I didn't. I'm a hypocrite, Just like you (common!)

Anyways, off to find Miranda, more posts to follow.

Too much?

Ok honestly: I Didn't mean to be so harsh in my last post. I got carried away. I don't get some people. Gah!!!!

The things people do to act like they don't see you:

The Things people do to act like they don't see you are amazing. I mean there are a lot of different ways people don't acknowledge you, you all-- I'm sure--even have your favorites. Is it normal not to talk to someone for the entire trans continental voyage? Even if they are sitting right behind you? I guess so. Looking around i've noticed a lot of this category of behavior. Darting glances, sunglasses on the shady side of the bus, urgent hair adjustments, brow wiping, but no intentional coughs or sneezes--those are just an opening for a god blessing, unwanted, unsolicited conversation. These actions are things we all do but those who do them more than others--these people are out there, you might even be one--these people are lame, sour, anti-social, detrimental to society, close minded, nasty thinking, empty headed, bloated mother fuckers. Except they don't do any mother fucking fucking because they don't talk right. Instead they text, they stare (but at what?), they sob. Or they should sob at how much they are missing.

"Who am I to talk? Mother fukkkah? Yeah right!" You might be saying to yourself as you read this, yeah you're right I'm not special at all, just a dude with a mediocre and nonsensical nick name who likes a party a dose of a drug, or two, a girl, well... maybe a few, Yeah all true, but at least I have the common FUCKING DECENCY to shoot the shit instead of shitting my pants avoiding eye contact for days.

So, I say to you, GET OFF your celly, your text pad, YOU DOUCHE--like the swooshletes say, JUST DO IT.